


~And They Were Quarantined~ (oh my god they were quarantined)

by bilbo swaggins (actualpidgeon)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fuck Snape, Gay, M/M, Quarantine, Voldemort?, background deamus - Freeform, corona virus au, good ol fashioned coronavirus fic, i don't know her, snape straight up doesn't exist, what i wish my quarantine was like, who's voldemort?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23169886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualpidgeon/pseuds/bilbo%20swaggins
Summary: it's just the fucking wizard corona virus. i have a month of quarantine left it's day 3 i just want to go back to school already so i'm making this. Voldemort is nowhere to be seen, the canon is dead and Jowling Kowling Rowling can suck my left ass cheek.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 9
Kudos: 43





	1. Prologue, or how the coronavir-coUGH gillypox quarantine comes to be

Perhaps magic's worst drawback is pride. When a person is given constant access to such power, they can start to feel invincible, like nothing will ever hurt them as long as they have their wand. At least, that's how Fenley Thistlebrook felt when he apparated to England's Ministry border point after a holiday in Australia when he informed the official that no, he had brought no unregistered foods, plants, animals, herbs, spirits (alcoholic or malevolent), potions, or mysterious objects back with him. Which was of course, entirely false- but what harm could one billywig in a jar possibly cause? His brother was a magizoologist and had loads of the little creatures, just pop it in a cage and it'll be fine. Besides, he was feeling a tad bit peaky and wanted to sleep in his own bed after three long weeks, not wait in an uncomfortable chair while his bloody billywig was examined for threats to the country. He blew his nose into a handkerchief and straightened his travelling cloak as the official allowed him to pass and used an Apparating Station to head for home. He arrived, kissed his wife on the cheek, and gave the billywig to his young son to look after, warning him to avoid the stinger before slipping into a fretful sleep.

Fenley, Marjorie, and Winston Thistlebrook were the first recorded cases of Gillypox in England since the 1930's. Fenley Thistlebrook's coworkers, Marjorie's potionry group members, and Winston's schoolfriends (notably especially those who visited the billywig) were soon to follow, as was much of the magical population of West Sussex. In two months, Northern Ireland was the only pox-free place in Britain. Travel and trade were cut off almost completely between Britain and the rest of the magical world to slow the pox's spread in Europe and the Americas. Preliminary quidditch matches were postponed indefinitely. Parents began teaching their children too young for Hogwarts how to cast _scourgify_ using their wands, and many smaller businesses on Diagon Alley closed their doors temporarily. As for Hogwarts, its isolated location offered it an advantage over the rest of Scotland and it remained stubbornly open through the meteoric rise of the pox. Parents, although worried for their children, acknowledged that Hogwarts was most likely the safest place for them to be in a crisis like this. However, extra precautions were still taken: no packages in and out, only letters; no Hogsmeade trips; and of course, the Plague Charm.

Only those extensively familiar with _Hogwarts: a History_ will be familiar with the Plague Charm. It is, in fact, actually a collection of spells placed on the castle itself following the time of the Bubonic Plague in the fourteenth century. When prepared, the charm can be activated by any professor and initiates a sort of "lockdown" procedure, where doors lock so that all inhabitants of the castle are in the smallest place possible in which they can still reach a bathroom (an important amendment added after the Dragonpox outbreak of 1634). The house elves continue to prepare food as usual and it is spelled directly to the students and faculty rather than the great hall. Only professors are permitted by the castle to move freely. In October, two months after Fenley Thistlebrook returned from Australia, Headmaster Dumbledore prepared the Plague Charm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will probably be up in a few hours. i'll add more tags once i figure out exactly what harry and draco are gonna get up to during their quarantine. this isn't gonna be very long, def less than 4 chapters


	2. quarantine is fucking boring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's boring! I want to leave my house and so does harry

There was no other way to say it: Harry Potter was fucking _bored_. His seventh year was supposed to be the best yet, but the bloody gillypoxalypse (as coined by Ginny) seemed to put the whole world on pause, and Harry hated it. There was just as much classwork as before the pox happened, except now instead of going outside for Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures, they had to be in the library, learning from only textbooks. It was dismal. In addition, all doubles classes were split into regulars to lower the number of students gathered together at a time, and combined with eating meals in the common rooms rather than the great hall, Harry was almost missing the stimulation of a good fight with Malfoy.

What he missed most, however, was quidditch. The cup had been postponed until the quarantine was lifted, and at this point Harry was ready to take a detention just for a five-minute flight through the halls to clear his head. He just needed _something_ to happen. Something, _anything,_ a-

"A Party!" Harry startled and fumbled to catch the rolled up sock he'd been bouncing off the common room wall as Parvati Patil bounded down the stairs from the girls' dormitory, quickly followed by Lavender Brown.

"What?" asked Seamus, looking up from an intense match of wizard's chess with Ron. Parvati threw herself over the back of the couch.

"A _party_ ," she repeated. "We. Should have. A party! And invite the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs! I've barely seen my sister in weeks! This quarantine is rubbish."

"Yeah, it's bollocks," Dean agreed.

"You do know that completely defeats the point of a quarantine, right, Parvati? We're supposed to be self-isolating to prevent the spread of the gillypox, not gathering together in human cauldrons of disease," Hermione chimed in, irritated that one of the few quiet moments in the common room now that no one was allowed outside had been ruined. "Besides, McGonagall would never allow it."

"Urgh, fuck the quarantine," Lavender retorted. "We haven't had an ounce of real fun in weeks."

"But Hermione's right that McGonagall would put a stop to it…" Seamus mused. "…What if a different house hosted it?" Parvati's eyes lit up.

"Brilliant! I'll write Padma." She dashed back up the dormitory stairs.

"I'll ask Justin," Lavender said, eager for an excuse to write her boyfriend. With the two girls gone, most people turned away and resumed their various activities. Dean leant over toward Harry.

"How do you reckon the chances of them pulling this off?" he asked. Harry shrugged.

"Pretty slim," he mused, "but I'm so fucking bored I'll help with the decorations if it gets me out of this bloody room."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm liking short chapters so it might have more than 4. update coming this evening, more tags coming soon


	3. party planning, otherwise known as thank wizard god for slughorn being a hypochondriac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> name a more powerful duo than blaise and pansy it's ok i'll wait--- additional sidenote that nasty ratman snape doesn't exist here and that's that on that get fucked snivellus

Word of a party began to spread, and despite the logistical issues of it breaking nearly every quarantine rule, planning continued. Ron and Ginny struck a deal with Fred and George to sneak in refreshments from the outside, and Seamus could frequently be seen loitering in hallway corners between classtimes with suspiciously jingly pockets, greeting students with a quick handshake to collect funds. A group of seventh-years, namely Parvati, Padma, Lavender, Seamus, Ernie Macmillan, Hannah Abbott, and Terry Boot, designated themselves the Official Secret Party-Planning Committee. Everyone fourth-year and up from the three houses was to be invited. Ernie and Hannah had begun negotiations with the house-elves to prepare a secret feast fit for several dozen completely pissed teenagers, and Terry supervised the charting of the professors' nightly hall monitor routine. Everything was coming together.

That is, of course, except for the location of the party. Details Shmetails.

Both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw houses were out; Sprout and Flitwick paid too close attention to their students. This left the planning committee in quite a bind. The astronomy tower was too cold and too small; any abandoned classroom would be open to a teacher discovering them; the greenhouses would be difficult to get to, and also full of poisonous plants that didn't like being woken up in the night.

The committee quietly argued through their options at a study table near the back of the stacks in the library. Ernie was in the middle of explaining his plan to spell an elaborate illusion in the doorway of a classroom to make it appear empty while it wasn't when the sound of footsteps approached. The group were immediately engrossed in their books, not even looking up when the footsteps paused at their table.

"Are these seats taken?" a voice asked. "Everywhere else is full." Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson stood waiting expectantly by two of the three empty seats at the table. Lavender, who was closest to the pair, looked up.

"Oh, erm, sorry, actually we need those seats for, err, some friends that-" she began falteringly.

"Brilliant, thanks," Blaise said over her before pulling out the middle seat, dumping his bag on the ground, and setting his books on the table. Pansy followed, taking the seat next to Lavender, who inched away slowly as if to keep them from noticing. Finding that everyone at the table had stopped reading and was gawking at them, Pansy stared back aggressively, with a _"what are you looking at?"_ sort of face. Everyone slowly looked back at their books. Blaise opened his to a random page and feigned reading about half a paragraph before speaking.

"Splendid quarantine, innit, Panse?" he asked innocently, without looking up from his book.

"Why yes, I was just thinking so. It is a bit dull though, isn’t it?" she replied amicably, delicately turning a page in her textbook.

"Dull indeed! You know, just this morning I was having a chat with good young Theodore Nott about arranging a little soirée in the common room," he offered. Pansy closed her book and turned towards him.

"A soirée?"

"An informal gathering, if you will."

"A celebration?"

"A cheeky little get-together."

"A cheeky little get-together indeed," Pansy finished, turning slightly to the table with the air of an actor in a play having a conversation specifically for the benefit of the audience. "But Blaise, dear. Wouldn't this get-together be in blatant defiance of the quarantine rules put in place because of the gillypox outbreak?" Blaise nodded sagely.

"Why yes it would, my dear miss Parkinson. However, answer me this: when was the last time you laid eyes on Professor Slughorn, our dear old Head of House?" Pansy pretended to think.

"Well, it must have been two weeks at least. In fact, the last time I saw him was also the last time we had dinner in the Great Hall, when professor Dumbledore announced we would be initiating the quarantine procedures." Realisation dawned. "Oh, right! Professor Slughorn is a hypochondriac and hasn't left his chambers once, even faking pneumonia to avoid teaching his class! He wouldn't leave his room unless the castle was on fire!" Pansy was fully facing the table now, whose occupants weren't even pretending to read anymore. She continued.

"So you're telling me, Blaise, that Slytherin House would be the _perfect place to host a clandestine party?"_

"That is exactly what I'm telling you, Panse. Slytherin House is the best and perhaps _only_ place fit to host a party in this entire castle." They were both facing the group now. Pansy leant back in her chair and crossed her arms smugly over her chest.

Ernie was the first to speak.

"How did you even find out what we were planning?" he accused. "Who told you?" Blaise smirked.

"You lot are about as subtle as a pack of blast-ended skrewts," he said. "It wasn't hard to put it together; try to keep your voices down in the halls in the future."

"Alright, say it would be a good place for the party," Parvati began, glaring at the pair of Slytherins. "What makes you think any of us would set foot in your snake den? For all we know, this could be some elaborate ruse."

"Yeah," Seamus agreed. "Why would you lot want to get together with us?" Blaise straightened his tie.

"Well, firstly, we want to have a party for the same reasons you do. We're fucking bored," Blaise said as Pansy nodded. "If I have to listen to Greg drag on about one more muggle dystopia novel I'll slice off my own ears. And mind you, Slytherins are good company, just as I'm sure you feel about your own houses, but it's growing old. We know each other too well- there's nothing to talk about anymore. It's quite sad, really. Even poor Draco is feeling the effects- he's whinging over having nothing to whinge over."

"And you can't forget the most important reason," Pansy interjected.

"Of course," Blaise said. "An interest that I'm sure we all share. Settling the great debate." Everyone leaned in, waiting for him to finish his thought.

"Which house _truly_ parties the hardest?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is gonna be a bit longer than i thought, but i promise it's worth it! im really liking how this is shaping up


End file.
